Breaking out of my self-imposed prison

A Wife’s Story – Name Withheld

“My husband and I married shortly after he returned from his mission and just after I graduated from high school. I didn’t know he was bringing a pornography addiction into our marriage. Over time, I began to realize that the addiction was a bigger part of his life than I could have ever imagined. As access to pornography got easier, his addiction increased. We saw counselors a few times throughout the years. Their help was not helpful at all. The fault was mine, according to our counselor, and so was the burden of ‘fixing him.’

“On the outside, we were a ‘normal’ LDS family. We were active in church and our community. We have six children. We appeared to be the perfect family. On the inside, my heart felt like a grape being turned into a raisin. I was shriveling up and dying. I chose not to share our secret with any of my friends or family. After all, counseling had taught me it was my fault. I wanted my marriage to make it but seriously doubted it would be possible. I set a goal to endure until our children had all graduated from high school. I started working outside the home in order to be able to provide for myself when the time came that I could leave him. I sought counseling again. This time it wasn’t to fix my husband, I wanted some coping skills. I explained I was married to a man with a sexual addiction and I wanted guidance to help me. The counselor went through family dynamics and then started in on communications skills. After several sessions, I felt all of the money had been wasted and I wasn’t any closer to an answer that fit my situation. I didn’t know where else to turn. I continued to suffer alone.

“When our youngest child was a junior in high school, my husband reached a new low. With that discovery, I asked him to leave our bedroom and move into one of the vacant rooms in our home. Either the addiction was leaving or he was. I was seriously talking about a divorce at that point. About that same time, my husband started attending 12 Step support groups and got serious about recovery. I came in contact with the Healing Through Christ workbook for family members who have loved ones in addiction. I remember the first time I read it how it touched my heart. I cried to finally be understood. The words in the manual were like a drink of cool water after a long walk in a big desert for me. I’d waited thirty years for this workbook. I engrossed myself in the manual each day. I spent hours studying the concepts and began to feel hope again.

“As I began breaking out of my self-imposed prison, I couldn’t get enough. This workbook has changed my eternity. I have peace and joy in my life again. The pain has been taken from me as I have developed an amazing relationship with my Heavenly Father. I know Him better than I could have ever known Him before without these steps. The Healing Through Christ workbook has changed my life. I love who I am becoming. I love my husband, and our marriage is improving all the time. It has saved my life. I am so grateful for the inspiration that has gone into this manual, and for my Heavenly Father leading me to it just when I needed it. I am happily married to my husband…the same one! We have felt such healing and hope in our own lives.

“I know without a doubt that this Healing through Christ workbook is desperately needed among those who have a loved one in addiction. Family members feel a pain that is so deep and so indescribable that unless you’ve felt it, you can’t come close to imagining it. I’ve had the blessing of interacting with others who have used this workbook and they have found the same joy and peace that I have found. The transformation is nothing short of miraculous. The hurt and the anger have been replaced with acceptance of their loved one and a turn toward heaven for that is where our happily ever after comes from.”